The complication called... 'WOMEN.'

(Sighs)... So,this is the much awaited and anticipated moment and it doesn't come soon enough. I'm about strolling into some murky waters right now but let's not get excited yet. There's a lot in store for everyone.

For as long as mankind existed,one of the most asked question has been; "What exactly do Women Want?" I've often thought that if truly Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,I strongly suggest that scientists should leave that golf course of a land called Mars,get their rockets and dogs and take a trip to Venus to get us some answers as therein may lie our best and indeed,only chance to know how the minds of women work.

Men have come to the conclusion that Women love Money and women will argue that they simply need 'Security.' The funny thing is that there are lots of grey areas. There are so many cases of ladies leaving their poor guys for richer men and that makes a lot of sense and it's actually 'normal,' but they're also so many cases of ladies cheating on their rich guys with much poorer guys and then u wonder why because it doesn't make sense. Why would u leave the money and the security to shmooze around with a poor dude? Is it really worth the risk? You wonder why a lady with so much drive would run after a guy who also has a drive only to end up with a bum. And then we ask,"how did this happen?" "How did she end up wit such a no-gooder?" Then we all arrive at that conclusion that "The Sex must have been good" and so I enter the area that you all hoped I would,didn't you? Every guy believes that very good SEX will always bring the girl back and that is the case most of the time. I mean,you wonder why a lady would go back to a guy that beats the shit out of her... The make up Sex would be great,right? Wow!!! What's with all these ladies? Here's this gentleman treating her like a queen,sending her flowers and perfume but she blows him off to run back to her drunken man who would make her go blue black with beatings. And the same question pops up; "What is it that these ladies want sef?"

Well,wonder no more guys! I have your answer gift wrapped in this blogpost. After countless gists,numerous personal experiences,4 heartbreaks,2 breakups and a partridge in a pear tree; I've been able to sit down to ruminate over the issue and after having pondered long enough,I've come to that irrefutable conclusion... What women want is EXCITEMENT! You can call it Adventure,Fun,Trips,Climax... Whatever you choose to call it,that's it. They just don't want money or security or sex,they want Excitement! Think about it,money gets you a lot of excitement so it's okay if they want so much of it. EXCITEMENT is the word,'bro.' It's in the good sex, it's in the partying, it's in the clubbing,it's in the shopping,it's in the drive around,... Hell! It's in the beatings and the make up sex too. Ladies run after guys that other girls want because of the EXCITEMENT of snatching them from their claws! They don't want gentlemen because they KNOW those ones will send them flowers and open the door for them. Predictability is Boring and they won't have that. They want a guy that will slap them on the bum and order them to get them a beer. They like the ones that they don't know if it's a slap that's coming next or sex and Yes! I said it. They want Unpredictable. You know why? Unpredictability is Exciting! Keep them guessing because they find it Exciting! Almost Magical even. For those of you guys that have a problem holding on to your ladies,guys? This is a free tip worth millions. Doesn't matter if you're rich or poor,give them EXCITEMENT! Don't slack it up,always be on your toes. Do it how ever it suits you even if you have to subscribe to Playboy Magazine. Don't choke her,that's boring. EXCITE HER! It's as simple as that. Do away with the Routines! You know why? Because they're boring and she's gonna cheat on you! Break Rules... Even yours! Do the outrageous and the crazy things! Make wild and unheard of suggestions! And don't just feel cool after scoring a major point,learn to evolve! Come up with new stuffs. You don't have to be a billionaire to sweep her off her feet and keep her off it,you need to be an Excitelonaire! Don't be scared,just do it!


What I've written above is subject to your comments so you can hook up with me on Facebook,Twitter or BBM. Stay Excited!

rat or Rat? *shrugs*

Wow! Hey Peeps! It's been a while since I last posted a blog so I think I'm forgetting how to do this. Okay,no dilly-dallying,let's get down to brass tacks... Whatever that means.

Anyway,I spent this last weekend at my cousin's place in Magodo and I met another breed of Human and that's what inspired this blog. The dude virtually dropped the apple on my head. The guy stays in the same duplex with my cousins (I think) and I saw him first briefly on Saturday on my way out. The second time I saw him was on Sunday morning and that was on my way to the kitchen to get breakfast. Now my cousin made me boiled yam and sauce (which I just love by the way),when I got to the pot,I saw three and a half slices of yam. I assumed my cousin had not eaten so I selflessly picked 2 slices (polishing my diamond encrusted halo),served me some sauce,made some cold cocoa and I stepped out of the kitchen passing our dude on my way out who just has this penchant for hovering around the kitchen. As I settled down to eat in my room,my cousin stepped in and when she saw my plate,she asked why I didn't take all the yam and I said I thought she hadn't eaten. Well,she said I can have it all because she had eaten so I told her I'll get the remaining one and a half when I'm done with the ones on my plate. So when I finished,I went downstairs to the kitchen to polish off the pot and our dude was stepping out of the kitchen as I was stepping in clutching a bowl of fried eggs and something else I couldn't place. You can imagine my consternation when I opened the pot and saw just the smaller piece of yam! The whole slice had gone missing and there was just the smaller piece left. I was like,What??? It didn't make sense... This dude should have finished the yam off! Who would see one and a half slices of yam and take the one while leaving the half? Gerrit? Don't make sense,does it? Anyway,I covered the pot,did the dishes and got out. On my way to church with my cousin later,we got chatting;she has always complained abt rats in her house and on saturday night,I saw the biggest rat I've ever laid eyes on (or so I thought) scurrying across their kitchen floor and told her so but I had to take that statement back. We were in the midst of a discussion when I suddenly turned serious,looked at her and told her; "Sis mii,you've got a serious rat issue." She replied that she knws and was about to start discussing the havoc they wreck when I interrupted and told her I meant she had a 'Big Rat' issue. I told her point blank that the dude in her house,I'll keep the name a secret but his name starts wit 'D' and ends with 'eji Oluwole',is a Big Rat and the biggest I'll ever see. My cousin laughed so hard and asked why I said so. I told her and she laughed some more then proceeded to tell me a few things about this dude that I found it hard scraping my jaws off the floor! I may not remember everything but I'll try.

Now this dude,Deji,is what we used to term those days as an 'FFO' which stands for 'For Food Only.' He loves eating and lives to eat. He never strays far from the kitchen. Funny enough,his parents are very wealthy and are based in the UK but they had to send our dude to Nigeria because they couldn't cope with his 'wahala.' Anytime he travels to the UK,he comes back with 4 suitcases... 1 suitcase contains his clothes and shoes,3 suitcases contain just his Food. He sleeps with a pack of juice by his bed,so from time to time,he'll turn on the bed,grab d pack of juice,sip,then he sleeps again. When he's broke,he can eat any combination of food and I mean 'ANY COMBO.' I heard that a few days ago,he had fried eggs with soaked garri. There was a day he wanted to eat eba with ketchup but my cousin had mercy on his fat soul and gave him some soup. I'm not bullshitting you to make this interesting. Once he went to stay with his dad's relative in Ibadan but they sent him back... they complained that what their own 2 kids eat in a year,this dude wolfs down in 1month! They had to set him loose or it's byebye to their savings. For those of you wondering how his babe copes,well wonder no more because he aint got none. Girls stay away because they can't keep up with his eating. He gets a monthly allowance frm the UK but he'll never buy even a slippers...he spends all the tens of thousands solely on Food. His guardian gives him a weekly provision allowance but he still can't wait to the next weekend to grab another one. His motto is 'why should I buy anything when the stomach is empty' and he makes sure it never stays empty.

Now there are three types of Big People; The first type are the big ones with big bones. These dudes are not fat but they're just Big. The Second type are the fat ones. They don't exactly have big bones but are just filled wit Fat. Could be overfeeding,hereditory or a disease. The 3rd group which Deji belongs to is the group I'd like to call 'you eat way too much,fatso!' These are the dudes that push down the self destruct button by eating anything in sight like our dude does. He seems to double in size every few months and the rate at which he's going...

But then,what the heck? He probably knows something we don't. Maybe he learnt they'll be a famine soon or something. Because even if Food runs out of fashion,this dude is sure to remain a perpetual and unrepentant Old school.

Enough of this guy. After all,no one is perfect. If that's his cross,we all have ours. Enjoy the rest of the week,folks. Cheers!

Weight Loss Tips!

Hello Peeps! I'd like to wish you all a Happy New Month! Or shld I say,Sweet November? I've seen the movie so I'd rather not. I'll call the reason, "due to Personal reasons."
Anyway,here I am now coming up with something entirely different... Something I'm sure will benefit everyone that reads this. Don't know why I have to take this road so please,kindly indulge me... I'll try and liven up the scenery of this short journey you're about to take with me.
This blog is about Weight Loss Tips and I'm sure that is no breaking news. I'm also sure you've seen enough programmes on TV and read a lot of books and articles in Magazines on how to lose weight. Some even come with a time duration for the weight loss programme (oops,just broke another bed). Anyway,please,ignore all the crap you've seen or read because what I'm about to put down is the real deal. I'll tow the line of the latter programme and give you some tips on how to lose a lot of useful pounds in 3 months or less and Yes,I said it! And just in case you're wondering who am I to give you these tips or on what authority,I'm proud to announce to you that I'm that guy that have walked to and fro both ends of a measuring scale so many times and I know my onions when it comes to this so trust me.
By the way,pardon me if this write up seems parochial but that is the whole idea.
I'll be giving you just three (3) tips so here we go:

1)Move to Lagos - From wherever you are all around the world,'Las Gidis' is the place to be. So many things to get you up and doing and the transportation is a delight. You'll simply love it and the pounds are gonna drop like an anchor in the river. This is the place where your weight obeys the Law of Gravity. The Gravitational pull is stronger here than in any other place I can think of.
It goes on from here.

2)Live as far as possible from your office: But of course,you just won't come to Lagos and start counting bridges now,will you. Get a job or a hustle and when you wanna do that,make sure you get work as far away from where you live. Like from the Island to the slums or lowlands. You'd be surprised that having to go to work everyday would simply do wonders for your weight. It even helps in your sleep time and wake up time. It's really healthy. And don't just get the kinda jobs you'll just sit your ass down all day like a banker,get the kinda jobs you'll have to go out to get this,thrash that out,you know what I mean now so stop looking like you're clueless or something.

3) Watch what you eat!: This is real important,folks. You just don't go around sinking your teeth into every morsel you find. Oh No! This is how it should go; skip breakfast,work your socks off and when you close say like 6pm,grab a gala (you'll find like 20 different types these days),get a cold drink and enjoy your long ride home. When you get home (it should be pretty dark then),take a shower and collapse in bed. You can wake up the next morning to start the routine all over again. You'd be surprised at your fitness after 3months.

*sighs* there we are. If you can follow these 3 tips of mine,I can guarantee that within 3 months,you'll lose at least 10kg or you can ask for your money back.
You won't appreciate that amount of Kg until you convert it into Pounds which is 22Pounds! Try converting that into Naira and by my calculation (grabbing a calculator) that is erm... wait o... N5,500! Now dat should stock up your refridgerator. Hehehe... Anyway,glad to help,folks! You can all thank me later. *grabbing my mars chocolate* Adios!

RELEVANTIA!!!

I'm sure a number of you reading this blog are probably wondering where on God's earth and man's dictionary I got the word 'Releventia' from. And I'm sure a number of u have it figured out already. In truth,I don't know if such a word exists but if it does,well... *putting on my Police Sunglasses and popping my collar* what can I say? Anyway,I just came up with the word cos I looked around and I'm really impressed with how far some folks will go to gain any amount of relevance (there u have it! And for those that still haven't caught on,pls,feel free to keep sniffing). The point is,some folks will do just about anything to get noticed. Don't get me wrong,'Notice me' is not a bad thing and the gospel truth is that we're all guilty of it and I mean; ALL OF US (slams Gavel) and if you've ever read the Bestseller by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers,the classic; '48 Laws of Power' (please forgive me but I just love this book and I'll be referring to it from time to time in subsequent blogs), the 6th Law clearly states that you should "Court Attention at all Cost" because its one of the major tools to attain power. But before all ye attention mongers start a party over this declaration,the latter part of the same chapter also makes it clear that this Law has its own downsides so you should be very careful. Before you turn yourself into a Goldfish,better realise that cats (not just Sylvester by the way) lurk everywhere. One of the group of people guilty of these are some folks that call themselves 'Men of God', they come up in our faces,on Radios,TVs etc with all kinds of Prophesies (though I prefer to call it predictions) and at the end of the day,out of 10 predictions,dey get just 2 or 3 right. Its really embarrassing. They now make it look like God is a liar. They shout at the top of their voices so folks can be impressed and then rush to their churches. That is what I mean by Relevantia. What about the Politicians wit their heavy bags of light promises. They just show up from nowhere,shouting on the top of their voices,castigating those that are in power so that they'll win the admiration of the masses that they need their votes so that they can get into Power and do worse. That is Relevantia. Even the critics,whether social or moral are not spared. They can't do better and in their own little way,they are not influencing their own neighbourhood but when it comes to casting aspersions at other people's character,they hug the limelight like it's a long lost son. That is Relevantia. Same goes for movie stars and musicians;they will do anything apart from showcase their talents (even though a lot of those I see around in Nigeria these days lack it). They will dye themselves,marry their siblings,start a riot and I'm talkin every conceivable thing they can do to so that their smiling faces will show up in the papers. That is Relevantia. And to round it all off,I'll just mention a group that seem to piss me off these days and I'm like,why can't these douches simply mind their business. They are the Scientists. Have you heard these before; "Drink a cup of your urine daily to help wash your system"; "Walk 10km a day to improve your sex drive"; "Always take a spoon of honey for a better marriage"; "Drink a glass of water 1st thing in the morning cos it cleans your system!". Funny thing is,for the last one,if I should try it,I'll be sick throughout that day. I'm not making that up,its been proved to be a fact. You'll hear all manner of scientific tips and some will come up with other tips to contradict the ones you got from other scientists. That is Relevantia. Need I mention Herbal Doctors? U got my point. Relevantia! Relevantia! We have it all around us. Come to think of it,getting you all to read this blog,what do you think it all boils down to sef? #JustSaying.
I'm out for now,folks. Cheers!

what's your dream partner like?

Okay. Do you remember those days (I'm sure it still happens to some of you reading this blog) when someone asks; "what's your idea of what your perfect mate should look like?" and you're like... (Let's assume you're the lady) "Oh! *with a dreamy stare* He must be tall,handsome,broad-shouldered,rich,wealthy,sexy,must have pink lips,six-packs..." And of course,I must not forget to add the one attribute dat is common no matter whether the lady is from the east or west,artist or atheist,blonde or brunette,deaconess or devil worshipper, etc. And that is; "He must be God-fearing!" No matter what lady you ask,that's a constant factor that comes into play. I've always believed most ladies are not true to themselves when they draw up these dreams and that's because at the end of the day,they only get with 'rich,wealthy' and that's if they get so lucky. But with my fellow menfolk,it's a whole new ball game (sorry but the pun was unintended).I'm not saying they don't come up short too but most times,their picture of a perfect mate is not only within reach but pragmatic so they can grab easily. Now for the interesting part: Depending on the kinda guy you come across but for the more gentlemanly kinda guy, you'll get to hear stuffs like: "Well, (shrugs) she must be pretty,sexy,intelligent,homely... (And all other boring stuffs dat gentlemen tend to roll out their silky tongues) but for the rest of the menfolk,you hear things really masculine like: "She has to be fine of course,she has to have curves and I'm talking eight not zero,erm...(Rolling up their eyes to take a peek into their skull) erm... Dis part,words fail them so they have to gesticulate and if that doesn't pass the message they want to pass like they want it to,they can just blurt out stuffs like: what's my own with cup size sef? Abeg give me Bowl joor!

Damn! I'm outta here. See y'all in my next Blog. Diamondaces signing off!

funny enough,AKURE!

Wow! Dis is my 1st official blog and I hope a lot of u guys like it. I'm also sure dat a lotta critics r sharpenin deir knives now,ready to carve dis write up so... Be my guest.
I would have split dis into Parts 1 and 2 but I usually don't do parts... I'll serve it up whole and u guys can divide into as many parts as u want. Abi naa?
Well,it all started wen I had to dash down to Akure,the Ondo State capital, on d 12th of Nov. I won't bore u wit d population,size of d area,topography n all dose other stuffs (I mean;u have Wikipedia,don't u?). Anyway,d whole drama started after one signpost welcomed me to Ondo State. Ondo State has been termed the 'Sunshine State' but from d moment my bus rode into Akure around 5pm,it was like a mischievous painter decided to grab his brush and paint the sky in a dark color and d sky shed tears in protest... It was raining Cats,Dogs and Calabar men! I got down at d park and managed to heave myself and my baggage into a cab for Ijapo Estate. I settled in and some other semi-wet folks like me rushed into d cab and we were off. The windows of d cab were down and as I tried to wind up cos of the rain,it was I dat got wound up! "Where is d winder naa?" I asked d cab man,he asked me 2 pls b patient cos anoda passenger was using it. I held my breath and waited for 2mins b4 d cab man handed me d winder wen d passenger in front was done 'winding'. I now wondered to myself if dis was how all cabs in akure were but I decided to giv dem d benefit of a doubt... 4 now. So it rained as I was driven 2 my destination. Wen I got dere,I paid d cab man and dashed in to d welcomin arms of my aunt who was just widowed. Dinner was waitin 4 me so I ate and cos I was so tired,I was asleep b4 8pm. 6am d next mornin,I was already up,d poultry attendant refused to show up (Yes my late Uncle has a big poultry) and it was left to me and my aunt to do d poultry work dat day. Woteva becomes of my back; let it be known dat it started dat day (All dat is besides d point). So I had to do d things I came for dat day and called a friend to hook up. He came in arnd 5pm & we chatted;he told me dat unlike in Lag,bars are lively by 10am.he said dat Akure folks r generally lazy and dey drink a lot and gettin to work late is very rampant which is why dey're many cabs in Akure as it's d kind of profession dat suits Akure men. (Won't mention d name of d dude dough,I need him 2 live long enough). Dat day was d day I started seein some signs but I decided to wave dem off. I travelled 2 Ife d next day and came back on Saturday evenin. Sorry if dese all sound borin but stick wit me,I'm going somewhere. I've been in Akure 4 over a week now,I've looked around,commuted around,walked around,worked around,fooled around and I've come up wit somfin of a tourist guide 4 dose of u dat wanna come visit or make Akure, home.
Let me state dis clearly,being observant is not one of my strong points or forte (hell! I don't even remember wot I wear d day b4) so for me to notice dese things,dey must have made a strong impression on me. So here goes:

- In Akure,u'll find more Cabs dan bikes and I shit u not. D ratio of Cabs to Bikes is like 10:1. Dey're everywhere, even in matchboxes (ok,datz an exaggeration)

- Accordin to my friend,Akure is suitable for pensioners. I can't confirm dat but I'm inclined to agree. After all,he gets out more dan I do. And well,who else will stay in a place dis relatively peaceful?

- If u thrive on night life,PLS,don't come to Akure. Steer Clear! Have u seen Will Smith's "I am Legend?" Exactly! Its like dat over here. Its like u get preyed upon if u're outside after Sunset. Dere's an unwritten rule dat u run indoors once it get dark. I'll bet datz why it's called The Sunshine State;do everything u need to do while d Sun is shining. Night Life is totally,and I repeat,TOTALLY non-existent in dis place.

- Maybe it's as a result of the point I made above but you'll find The Highest nos of Hotels in Akure alone dan u'll find in other states in Nigeria. Just like cabs,dey're everywhere. Its a good biz. If u're walkin on d road and d Sun suddenly or mischievously sets on u,u rush to take refuge in d nearest hotel! Yep,I said it! D Hotels r lifesavers in case we lose sunshine and dose 'Sunset Zombies' start prowlin.

- And after giving and taking my 'Benefit of a Doubt',coupled with so many trips and random sampling,I've come to the decision (wit irrefutable proof) dat 4 out of every 5 cabs in Akure have just 1 window winder! Yes,I said it! So if u have to come to Akure and u got no plans to drive,beta come along wit ur own winder! It mite just keep u dry. U can thank me later for dis info.

So that's all dere is to it,Folks. Wonderful place to be. I'll be doing travelling to so many towns around Nigeria in the next coming months so u guys shld make sure you dot ur i's and cross ur t's b4 den. Cos ur town mite just be d next Blog topic. *winks* See y'all in my next Blog! *waving at y'all*

HI!!!

my own personal blog space where i can freely put down what's on my mind with out any fear. i personally believe that there's nothing more fulfilling than the chance to express yourself and so i got this medium to share,indeed, some of the issues that run through my mind from time to time. i'm promising nothing but i hope u find something that you can pick up to make yourself a better person. if it entertains you,well,guess that will be your own bonus but then...let me stop before i find even that a problem. so folks,stay blessed.