rat or Rat? *shrugs*

Wow! Hey Peeps! It's been a while since I last posted a blog so I think I'm forgetting how to do this. Okay,no dilly-dallying,let's get down to brass tacks... Whatever that means.

Anyway,I spent this last weekend at my cousin's place in Magodo and I met another breed of Human and that's what inspired this blog. The dude virtually dropped the apple on my head. The guy stays in the same duplex with my cousins (I think) and I saw him first briefly on Saturday on my way out. The second time I saw him was on Sunday morning and that was on my way to the kitchen to get breakfast. Now my cousin made me boiled yam and sauce (which I just love by the way),when I got to the pot,I saw three and a half slices of yam. I assumed my cousin had not eaten so I selflessly picked 2 slices (polishing my diamond encrusted halo),served me some sauce,made some cold cocoa and I stepped out of the kitchen passing our dude on my way out who just has this penchant for hovering around the kitchen. As I settled down to eat in my room,my cousin stepped in and when she saw my plate,she asked why I didn't take all the yam and I said I thought she hadn't eaten. Well,she said I can have it all because she had eaten so I told her I'll get the remaining one and a half when I'm done with the ones on my plate. So when I finished,I went downstairs to the kitchen to polish off the pot and our dude was stepping out of the kitchen as I was stepping in clutching a bowl of fried eggs and something else I couldn't place. You can imagine my consternation when I opened the pot and saw just the smaller piece of yam! The whole slice had gone missing and there was just the smaller piece left. I was like,What??? It didn't make sense... This dude should have finished the yam off! Who would see one and a half slices of yam and take the one while leaving the half? Gerrit? Don't make sense,does it? Anyway,I covered the pot,did the dishes and got out. On my way to church with my cousin later,we got chatting;she has always complained abt rats in her house and on saturday night,I saw the biggest rat I've ever laid eyes on (or so I thought) scurrying across their kitchen floor and told her so but I had to take that statement back. We were in the midst of a discussion when I suddenly turned serious,looked at her and told her; "Sis mii,you've got a serious rat issue." She replied that she knws and was about to start discussing the havoc they wreck when I interrupted and told her I meant she had a 'Big Rat' issue. I told her point blank that the dude in her house,I'll keep the name a secret but his name starts wit 'D' and ends with 'eji Oluwole',is a Big Rat and the biggest I'll ever see. My cousin laughed so hard and asked why I said so. I told her and she laughed some more then proceeded to tell me a few things about this dude that I found it hard scraping my jaws off the floor! I may not remember everything but I'll try.

Now this dude,Deji,is what we used to term those days as an 'FFO' which stands for 'For Food Only.' He loves eating and lives to eat. He never strays far from the kitchen. Funny enough,his parents are very wealthy and are based in the UK but they had to send our dude to Nigeria because they couldn't cope with his 'wahala.' Anytime he travels to the UK,he comes back with 4 suitcases... 1 suitcase contains his clothes and shoes,3 suitcases contain just his Food. He sleeps with a pack of juice by his bed,so from time to time,he'll turn on the bed,grab d pack of juice,sip,then he sleeps again. When he's broke,he can eat any combination of food and I mean 'ANY COMBO.' I heard that a few days ago,he had fried eggs with soaked garri. There was a day he wanted to eat eba with ketchup but my cousin had mercy on his fat soul and gave him some soup. I'm not bullshitting you to make this interesting. Once he went to stay with his dad's relative in Ibadan but they sent him back... they complained that what their own 2 kids eat in a year,this dude wolfs down in 1month! They had to set him loose or it's byebye to their savings. For those of you wondering how his babe copes,well wonder no more because he aint got none. Girls stay away because they can't keep up with his eating. He gets a monthly allowance frm the UK but he'll never buy even a slippers...he spends all the tens of thousands solely on Food. His guardian gives him a weekly provision allowance but he still can't wait to the next weekend to grab another one. His motto is 'why should I buy anything when the stomach is empty' and he makes sure it never stays empty.

Now there are three types of Big People; The first type are the big ones with big bones. These dudes are not fat but they're just Big. The Second type are the fat ones. They don't exactly have big bones but are just filled wit Fat. Could be overfeeding,hereditory or a disease. The 3rd group which Deji belongs to is the group I'd like to call 'you eat way too much,fatso!' These are the dudes that push down the self destruct button by eating anything in sight like our dude does. He seems to double in size every few months and the rate at which he's going...

But then,what the heck? He probably knows something we don't. Maybe he learnt they'll be a famine soon or something. Because even if Food runs out of fashion,this dude is sure to remain a perpetual and unrepentant Old school.

Enough of this guy. After all,no one is perfect. If that's his cross,we all have ours. Enjoy the rest of the week,folks. Cheers!