(Sighs)... So,this is the much awaited and anticipated moment and it doesn't come soon enough. I'm about strolling into some murky waters right now but let's not get excited yet. There's a lot in store for everyone.
For as long as mankind existed,one of the most asked question has been; "What exactly do Women Want?" I've often thought that if truly Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,I strongly suggest that scientists should leave that golf course of a land called Mars,get their rockets and dogs and take a trip to Venus to get us some answers as therein may lie our best and indeed,only chance to know how the minds of women work.
Men have come to the conclusion that Women love Money and women will argue that they simply need 'Security.' The funny thing is that there are lots of grey areas. There are so many cases of ladies leaving their poor guys for richer men and that makes a lot of sense and it's actually 'normal,' but they're also so many cases of ladies cheating on their rich guys with much poorer guys and then u wonder why because it doesn't make sense. Why would u leave the money and the security to shmooze around with a poor dude? Is it really worth the risk? You wonder why a lady with so much drive would run after a guy who also has a drive only to end up with a bum. And then we ask,"how did this happen?" "How did she end up wit such a no-gooder?" Then we all arrive at that conclusion that "The Sex must have been good" and so I enter the area that you all hoped I would,didn't you? Every guy believes that very good SEX will always bring the girl back and that is the case most of the time. I mean,you wonder why a lady would go back to a guy that beats the shit out of her... The make up Sex would be great,right? Wow!!! What's with all these ladies? Here's this gentleman treating her like a queen,sending her flowers and perfume but she blows him off to run back to her drunken man who would make her go blue black with beatings. And the same question pops up; "What is it that these ladies want sef?"
Well,wonder no more guys! I have your answer gift wrapped in this blogpost. After countless gists,numerous personal experiences,4 heartbreaks,2 breakups and a partridge in a pear tree; I've been able to sit down to ruminate over the issue and after having pondered long enough,I've come to that irrefutable conclusion... What women want is EXCITEMENT! You can call it Adventure,Fun,Trips,Climax... Whatever you choose to call it,that's it. They just don't want money or security or sex,they want Excitement! Think about it,money gets you a lot of excitement so it's okay if they want so much of it. EXCITEMENT is the word,'bro.' It's in the good sex, it's in the partying, it's in the clubbing,it's in the shopping,it's in the drive around,... Hell! It's in the beatings and the make up sex too. Ladies run after guys that other girls want because of the EXCITEMENT of snatching them from their claws! They don't want gentlemen because they KNOW those ones will send them flowers and open the door for them. Predictability is Boring and they won't have that. They want a guy that will slap them on the bum and order them to get them a beer. They like the ones that they don't know if it's a slap that's coming next or sex and Yes! I said it. They want Unpredictable. You know why? Unpredictability is Exciting! Keep them guessing because they find it Exciting! Almost Magical even. For those of you guys that have a problem holding on to your ladies,guys? This is a free tip worth millions. Doesn't matter if you're rich or poor,give them EXCITEMENT! Don't slack it up,always be on your toes. Do it how ever it suits you even if you have to subscribe to Playboy Magazine. Don't choke her,that's boring. EXCITE HER! It's as simple as that. Do away with the Routines! You know why? Because they're boring and she's gonna cheat on you! Break Rules... Even yours! Do the outrageous and the crazy things! Make wild and unheard of suggestions! And don't just feel cool after scoring a major point,learn to evolve! Come up with new stuffs. You don't have to be a billionaire to sweep her off her feet and keep her off it,you need to be an Excitelonaire! Don't be scared,just do it!
What I've written above is subject to your comments so you can hook up with me on Facebook,Twitter or BBM. Stay Excited!
Monday, 21 November 2011
Monday, 14 November 2011
rat or Rat? *shrugs*
Wow! Hey Peeps! It's been a while since I last posted a blog so I think I'm forgetting how to do this. Okay,no dilly-dallying,let's get down to brass tacks... Whatever that means.
Anyway,I spent this last weekend at my cousin's place in Magodo and I met another breed of Human and that's what inspired this blog. The dude virtually dropped the apple on my head. The guy stays in the same duplex with my cousins (I think) and I saw him first briefly on Saturday on my way out. The second time I saw him was on Sunday morning and that was on my way to the kitchen to get breakfast. Now my cousin made me boiled yam and sauce (which I just love by the way),when I got to the pot,I saw three and a half slices of yam. I assumed my cousin had not eaten so I selflessly picked 2 slices (polishing my diamond encrusted halo),served me some sauce,made some cold cocoa and I stepped out of the kitchen passing our dude on my way out who just has this penchant for hovering around the kitchen. As I settled down to eat in my room,my cousin stepped in and when she saw my plate,she asked why I didn't take all the yam and I said I thought she hadn't eaten. Well,she said I can have it all because she had eaten so I told her I'll get the remaining one and a half when I'm done with the ones on my plate. So when I finished,I went downstairs to the kitchen to polish off the pot and our dude was stepping out of the kitchen as I was stepping in clutching a bowl of fried eggs and something else I couldn't place. You can imagine my consternation when I opened the pot and saw just the smaller piece of yam! The whole slice had gone missing and there was just the smaller piece left. I was like,What??? It didn't make sense... This dude should have finished the yam off! Who would see one and a half slices of yam and take the one while leaving the half? Gerrit? Don't make sense,does it? Anyway,I covered the pot,did the dishes and got out. On my way to church with my cousin later,we got chatting;she has always complained abt rats in her house and on saturday night,I saw the biggest rat I've ever laid eyes on (or so I thought) scurrying across their kitchen floor and told her so but I had to take that statement back. We were in the midst of a discussion when I suddenly turned serious,looked at her and told her; "Sis mii,you've got a serious rat issue." She replied that she knws and was about to start discussing the havoc they wreck when I interrupted and told her I meant she had a 'Big Rat' issue. I told her point blank that the dude in her house,I'll keep the name a secret but his name starts wit 'D' and ends with 'eji Oluwole',is a Big Rat and the biggest I'll ever see. My cousin laughed so hard and asked why I said so. I told her and she laughed some more then proceeded to tell me a few things about this dude that I found it hard scraping my jaws off the floor! I may not remember everything but I'll try.
Now this dude,Deji,is what we used to term those days as an 'FFO' which stands for 'For Food Only.' He loves eating and lives to eat. He never strays far from the kitchen. Funny enough,his parents are very wealthy and are based in the UK but they had to send our dude to Nigeria because they couldn't cope with his 'wahala.' Anytime he travels to the UK,he comes back with 4 suitcases... 1 suitcase contains his clothes and shoes,3 suitcases contain just his Food. He sleeps with a pack of juice by his bed,so from time to time,he'll turn on the bed,grab d pack of juice,sip,then he sleeps again. When he's broke,he can eat any combination of food and I mean 'ANY COMBO.' I heard that a few days ago,he had fried eggs with soaked garri. There was a day he wanted to eat eba with ketchup but my cousin had mercy on his fat soul and gave him some soup. I'm not bullshitting you to make this interesting. Once he went to stay with his dad's relative in Ibadan but they sent him back... they complained that what their own 2 kids eat in a year,this dude wolfs down in 1month! They had to set him loose or it's byebye to their savings. For those of you wondering how his babe copes,well wonder no more because he aint got none. Girls stay away because they can't keep up with his eating. He gets a monthly allowance frm the UK but he'll never buy even a slippers...he spends all the tens of thousands solely on Food. His guardian gives him a weekly provision allowance but he still can't wait to the next weekend to grab another one. His motto is 'why should I buy anything when the stomach is empty' and he makes sure it never stays empty.
Now there are three types of Big People; The first type are the big ones with big bones. These dudes are not fat but they're just Big. The Second type are the fat ones. They don't exactly have big bones but are just filled wit Fat. Could be overfeeding,hereditory or a disease. The 3rd group which Deji belongs to is the group I'd like to call 'you eat way too much,fatso!' These are the dudes that push down the self destruct button by eating anything in sight like our dude does. He seems to double in size every few months and the rate at which he's going...
But then,what the heck? He probably knows something we don't. Maybe he learnt they'll be a famine soon or something. Because even if Food runs out of fashion,this dude is sure to remain a perpetual and unrepentant Old school.
Enough of this guy. After all,no one is perfect. If that's his cross,we all have ours. Enjoy the rest of the week,folks. Cheers!
Anyway,I spent this last weekend at my cousin's place in Magodo and I met another breed of Human and that's what inspired this blog. The dude virtually dropped the apple on my head. The guy stays in the same duplex with my cousins (I think) and I saw him first briefly on Saturday on my way out. The second time I saw him was on Sunday morning and that was on my way to the kitchen to get breakfast. Now my cousin made me boiled yam and sauce (which I just love by the way),when I got to the pot,I saw three and a half slices of yam. I assumed my cousin had not eaten so I selflessly picked 2 slices (polishing my diamond encrusted halo),served me some sauce,made some cold cocoa and I stepped out of the kitchen passing our dude on my way out who just has this penchant for hovering around the kitchen. As I settled down to eat in my room,my cousin stepped in and when she saw my plate,she asked why I didn't take all the yam and I said I thought she hadn't eaten. Well,she said I can have it all because she had eaten so I told her I'll get the remaining one and a half when I'm done with the ones on my plate. So when I finished,I went downstairs to the kitchen to polish off the pot and our dude was stepping out of the kitchen as I was stepping in clutching a bowl of fried eggs and something else I couldn't place. You can imagine my consternation when I opened the pot and saw just the smaller piece of yam! The whole slice had gone missing and there was just the smaller piece left. I was like,What??? It didn't make sense... This dude should have finished the yam off! Who would see one and a half slices of yam and take the one while leaving the half? Gerrit? Don't make sense,does it? Anyway,I covered the pot,did the dishes and got out. On my way to church with my cousin later,we got chatting;she has always complained abt rats in her house and on saturday night,I saw the biggest rat I've ever laid eyes on (or so I thought) scurrying across their kitchen floor and told her so but I had to take that statement back. We were in the midst of a discussion when I suddenly turned serious,looked at her and told her; "Sis mii,you've got a serious rat issue." She replied that she knws and was about to start discussing the havoc they wreck when I interrupted and told her I meant she had a 'Big Rat' issue. I told her point blank that the dude in her house,I'll keep the name a secret but his name starts wit 'D' and ends with 'eji Oluwole',is a Big Rat and the biggest I'll ever see. My cousin laughed so hard and asked why I said so. I told her and she laughed some more then proceeded to tell me a few things about this dude that I found it hard scraping my jaws off the floor! I may not remember everything but I'll try.
Now this dude,Deji,is what we used to term those days as an 'FFO' which stands for 'For Food Only.' He loves eating and lives to eat. He never strays far from the kitchen. Funny enough,his parents are very wealthy and are based in the UK but they had to send our dude to Nigeria because they couldn't cope with his 'wahala.' Anytime he travels to the UK,he comes back with 4 suitcases... 1 suitcase contains his clothes and shoes,3 suitcases contain just his Food. He sleeps with a pack of juice by his bed,so from time to time,he'll turn on the bed,grab d pack of juice,sip,then he sleeps again. When he's broke,he can eat any combination of food and I mean 'ANY COMBO.' I heard that a few days ago,he had fried eggs with soaked garri. There was a day he wanted to eat eba with ketchup but my cousin had mercy on his fat soul and gave him some soup. I'm not bullshitting you to make this interesting. Once he went to stay with his dad's relative in Ibadan but they sent him back... they complained that what their own 2 kids eat in a year,this dude wolfs down in 1month! They had to set him loose or it's byebye to their savings. For those of you wondering how his babe copes,well wonder no more because he aint got none. Girls stay away because they can't keep up with his eating. He gets a monthly allowance frm the UK but he'll never buy even a slippers...he spends all the tens of thousands solely on Food. His guardian gives him a weekly provision allowance but he still can't wait to the next weekend to grab another one. His motto is 'why should I buy anything when the stomach is empty' and he makes sure it never stays empty.
Now there are three types of Big People; The first type are the big ones with big bones. These dudes are not fat but they're just Big. The Second type are the fat ones. They don't exactly have big bones but are just filled wit Fat. Could be overfeeding,hereditory or a disease. The 3rd group which Deji belongs to is the group I'd like to call 'you eat way too much,fatso!' These are the dudes that push down the self destruct button by eating anything in sight like our dude does. He seems to double in size every few months and the rate at which he's going...
But then,what the heck? He probably knows something we don't. Maybe he learnt they'll be a famine soon or something. Because even if Food runs out of fashion,this dude is sure to remain a perpetual and unrepentant Old school.
Enough of this guy. After all,no one is perfect. If that's his cross,we all have ours. Enjoy the rest of the week,folks. Cheers!
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Weight Loss Tips!
Hello Peeps! I'd like to wish you all a Happy New Month! Or shld I say,Sweet November? I've seen the movie so I'd rather not. I'll call the reason, "due to Personal reasons."
Anyway,here I am now coming up with something entirely different... Something I'm sure will benefit everyone that reads this. Don't know why I have to take this road so please,kindly indulge me... I'll try and liven up the scenery of this short journey you're about to take with me.
This blog is about Weight Loss Tips and I'm sure that is no breaking news. I'm also sure you've seen enough programmes on TV and read a lot of books and articles in Magazines on how to lose weight. Some even come with a time duration for the weight loss programme (oops,just broke another bed). Anyway,please,ignore all the crap you've seen or read because what I'm about to put down is the real deal. I'll tow the line of the latter programme and give you some tips on how to lose a lot of useful pounds in 3 months or less and Yes,I said it! And just in case you're wondering who am I to give you these tips or on what authority,I'm proud to announce to you that I'm that guy that have walked to and fro both ends of a measuring scale so many times and I know my onions when it comes to this so trust me.
By the way,pardon me if this write up seems parochial but that is the whole idea.
I'll be giving you just three (3) tips so here we go:
1)Move to Lagos - From wherever you are all around the world,'Las Gidis' is the place to be. So many things to get you up and doing and the transportation is a delight. You'll simply love it and the pounds are gonna drop like an anchor in the river. This is the place where your weight obeys the Law of Gravity. The Gravitational pull is stronger here than in any other place I can think of.
It goes on from here.
2)Live as far as possible from your office: But of course,you just won't come to Lagos and start counting bridges now,will you. Get a job or a hustle and when you wanna do that,make sure you get work as far away from where you live. Like from the Island to the slums or lowlands. You'd be surprised that having to go to work everyday would simply do wonders for your weight. It even helps in your sleep time and wake up time. It's really healthy. And don't just get the kinda jobs you'll just sit your ass down all day like a banker,get the kinda jobs you'll have to go out to get this,thrash that out,you know what I mean now so stop looking like you're clueless or something.
3) Watch what you eat!: This is real important,folks. You just don't go around sinking your teeth into every morsel you find. Oh No! This is how it should go; skip breakfast,work your socks off and when you close say like 6pm,grab a gala (you'll find like 20 different types these days),get a cold drink and enjoy your long ride home. When you get home (it should be pretty dark then),take a shower and collapse in bed. You can wake up the next morning to start the routine all over again. You'd be surprised at your fitness after 3months.
*sighs* there we are. If you can follow these 3 tips of mine,I can guarantee that within 3 months,you'll lose at least 10kg or you can ask for your money back.
You won't appreciate that amount of Kg until you convert it into Pounds which is 22Pounds! Try converting that into Naira and by my calculation (grabbing a calculator) that is erm... wait o... N5,500! Now dat should stock up your refridgerator. Hehehe... Anyway,glad to help,folks! You can all thank me later. *grabbing my mars chocolate* Adios!
Anyway,here I am now coming up with something entirely different... Something I'm sure will benefit everyone that reads this. Don't know why I have to take this road so please,kindly indulge me... I'll try and liven up the scenery of this short journey you're about to take with me.
This blog is about Weight Loss Tips and I'm sure that is no breaking news. I'm also sure you've seen enough programmes on TV and read a lot of books and articles in Magazines on how to lose weight. Some even come with a time duration for the weight loss programme (oops,just broke another bed). Anyway,please,ignore all the crap you've seen or read because what I'm about to put down is the real deal. I'll tow the line of the latter programme and give you some tips on how to lose a lot of useful pounds in 3 months or less and Yes,I said it! And just in case you're wondering who am I to give you these tips or on what authority,I'm proud to announce to you that I'm that guy that have walked to and fro both ends of a measuring scale so many times and I know my onions when it comes to this so trust me.
By the way,pardon me if this write up seems parochial but that is the whole idea.
I'll be giving you just three (3) tips so here we go:
1)Move to Lagos - From wherever you are all around the world,'Las Gidis' is the place to be. So many things to get you up and doing and the transportation is a delight. You'll simply love it and the pounds are gonna drop like an anchor in the river. This is the place where your weight obeys the Law of Gravity. The Gravitational pull is stronger here than in any other place I can think of.
It goes on from here.
2)Live as far as possible from your office: But of course,you just won't come to Lagos and start counting bridges now,will you. Get a job or a hustle and when you wanna do that,make sure you get work as far away from where you live. Like from the Island to the slums or lowlands. You'd be surprised that having to go to work everyday would simply do wonders for your weight. It even helps in your sleep time and wake up time. It's really healthy. And don't just get the kinda jobs you'll just sit your ass down all day like a banker,get the kinda jobs you'll have to go out to get this,thrash that out,you know what I mean now so stop looking like you're clueless or something.
3) Watch what you eat!: This is real important,folks. You just don't go around sinking your teeth into every morsel you find. Oh No! This is how it should go; skip breakfast,work your socks off and when you close say like 6pm,grab a gala (you'll find like 20 different types these days),get a cold drink and enjoy your long ride home. When you get home (it should be pretty dark then),take a shower and collapse in bed. You can wake up the next morning to start the routine all over again. You'd be surprised at your fitness after 3months.
*sighs* there we are. If you can follow these 3 tips of mine,I can guarantee that within 3 months,you'll lose at least 10kg or you can ask for your money back.
You won't appreciate that amount of Kg until you convert it into Pounds which is 22Pounds! Try converting that into Naira and by my calculation (grabbing a calculator) that is erm... wait o... N5,500! Now dat should stock up your refridgerator. Hehehe... Anyway,glad to help,folks! You can all thank me later. *grabbing my mars chocolate* Adios!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)